Talk about the little black girl that I was

That don’t bring sadness even in the last day of her life, with the death all the despair and sadness and suffer went away, and I only remember the happiness, my death was violent in the minimum grade but not a tragedy, and save me of a destiny that I didn’t want, I was praying to dye, and I receive before went away my parents house. So years before the engagement, when I was 8 years, we went in vacation in a Spa, hotel, heaven? What was the name?... of summer, was a big place of the size of a citadel but made each part for delight and was rentable for rich people spent his time there living with other rich people all together, why was each place of there made for delight, because rich people live in houses that are like castle imagine how the place was big and pleasant, and there also was the uncle of my mother, my mother was mulatta, he had one side of the family that was white, he was so hit on, he look me and I fear so much that I don’t stay far from my mother any minute, I hold my mother by the dress with my fingers all the time, one day I was saying for my companion friend was a girl like me, that she would say to him a lot of effrontery that I made it up, that he would marry my mother but she don’t want, I was laughing thinking in all desaforo that I made it up and I won’t be there to say or see his face, that my mother dressed colored dresses and he was dreaming in see my mother all  black, and say if my mother went away she would leave all the sons with the husband, I was specially afraid because the vacation they take only me, maybe to discuss a marriage something that I feel without even think I was the middle child, engagement was long and girls studies and make exercise with the his own age boys in Africa love could happens; he was under the balcony that I was listen all and he scream something that I don’t remember today and me and my friend run to hide in our room, in the dinner that was there everybody he at the table said that want to see my mother all black, my father and mother get shocked, my mother: you want see me naked, my father: right in my face, he apologize  he didn’t know what happens to he say those things, I hold my happiness. In the next day I was a little far from my mother, but I could see her distance, I was with my black doll that was a baby, didn’t have a lot of dolls in Europe, people get astonish to see one, and far from my mother he came to talk with me touching my arm, and I said holding my tears, he touched my arm make me want cry, that my doll was something like Giselle, was a name that I thought was very European to be very mean an European name for a black doll, and I said that rare was my mother doll, a very expensive one for a girl that born and had green eyes, my eye also was light, was something brown with green, people always ask to see my eyes because was the most beautiful color of eyes of the planet; Africans don’t show newborns babies with light eye, when they are very small people kidnap to marry with his own race, Europeans, Indians and the parents would never know about his baby again; and I continue and my mother doll was so black for my mother that was named the black thing, my mother black thing was beautiful he would see it, so after said I run away where my mother was. wasn’t normal a man talk with a woman in the presence of her husband about something so female like a childhood doll, I was intelligent I notice that, so he in the time before the dinner table look for my mother and said that he want to say something for my mother and I was there with her and he said that knew that she had something beautiful that he want see, my mother a little resented, and he talk like he gave a kick so nervous he said it loud I want see your black thing, my mother shout even highest what you want see? Your black thing, and she you already said that what see me naked now you want see this and point for between her legs, he said: your pussy. I scream mother what is pussy!!! My mother answer: Is the black thing. And he nervously said you think I would say for someone, I said husband, he continue that I want see, I said his wife, and he continues pussy, uncle now you pass all the limits I am living; I was so happy that I roll in motion my two hands and put it under my arms in the axils, thinking I was a genius, I don’t point with one foot the skies that was too much, my mother said came daughter and put me in his backs and we went away do you believe that don’t exists genius at the time. Rute Bezerra de Menezes Gondim